Monday, May 14, 2012
I Like the Look of Me
So random thought time. The other day i was walking to the back room to finish my work day when i happened to glance up and see myself standing in one of the mirrors in our clothing department. I didn't think gee i look great or other thoughts like that. I had been thinking all day about mothers with thier children and husbands. Many look happy but many also look faded and worn. They are not who they are they are mom and wife. The only thing i did notice in the mirror was me being alone. The thought did not make me sad or depressed as many people would be. The idea made me excited and proud. I am standing on my own and my reflection shines back an independent, determined and courageous soul. I know i have not fought all the battles there are but for that moment i enjoyed seeing through outside eyes that i am okay on my own.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Time for a heart to heart
Since i have stopped posting consistently there has been a lot going on. There has been many shifts and changes in plans. Some step backs and some tiny triumphs. I believe through all of it though i have gained a new me. This is all going to sound cheesy but if you don't like it OH WELL it is an idea i must express.
The idea occurred to me on my hike today. I was looking over Logan, Utah a place that has unconventionally become a second home. My friends are like my family and the town feels just right. I have been upset as of late because i am unsure whether or not i am going to have to leave it before planned. As I stared out over the valley i realized that this is just a chapter in my life. A chapter full of fun, mystery and pain. I will fight to get every last drop of worth from it but as with any writer one must know exactly when to end that chapter.
When writing a novel or a short story you must know when enough is enough. Sometimes things are cut short and go in an entire different plan then intended or thought. You can try as hard you might to predict the story to come but in the end the heart must flow and guide your life.
Since this blog is supposed to be dedicated to love let relate the same concept to relationships. Each relationship is a chapter possibly leading up to marriage (THE END HAPPILY EVER AFTER ETC..) if you believe in that sort of nonsense. With each relationship you become a little more interesting a little more developed in character. Here is the catch though you must know when to end that chapter. Yes he broke up with you or maybe he is just a big jerk treating you crappy. Know when to let go and start a new one. Hanging on for eternity is going to bore your reading audience as well as you. Try reading book two of the Twilight series seriously. Read that and you will forever know when it is time to let go and start a new chapter as a independent amazing single lady.
Make your life a novel worth reading.
The idea occurred to me on my hike today. I was looking over Logan, Utah a place that has unconventionally become a second home. My friends are like my family and the town feels just right. I have been upset as of late because i am unsure whether or not i am going to have to leave it before planned. As I stared out over the valley i realized that this is just a chapter in my life. A chapter full of fun, mystery and pain. I will fight to get every last drop of worth from it but as with any writer one must know exactly when to end that chapter.
When writing a novel or a short story you must know when enough is enough. Sometimes things are cut short and go in an entire different plan then intended or thought. You can try as hard you might to predict the story to come but in the end the heart must flow and guide your life.
Since this blog is supposed to be dedicated to love let relate the same concept to relationships. Each relationship is a chapter possibly leading up to marriage (THE END HAPPILY EVER AFTER ETC..) if you believe in that sort of nonsense. With each relationship you become a little more interesting a little more developed in character. Here is the catch though you must know when to end that chapter. Yes he broke up with you or maybe he is just a big jerk treating you crappy. Know when to let go and start a new one. Hanging on for eternity is going to bore your reading audience as well as you. Try reading book two of the Twilight series seriously. Read that and you will forever know when it is time to let go and start a new chapter as a independent amazing single lady.
Make your life a novel worth reading.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Lost
Alright so if you read my day after dooms day post you will be aware i was seeing someone. You would also know i thought he was beyond amazing. Well time for an update on the status. The deeper relationship is no longer.
We had to end things for reasons beyond typical relationship issues. It devastated me and left me feeling oddly enough filled. When i last had a conversation like the one we had with some one i just felt empty and emotionless. I feel cruel for being that way but it is who i am.
We decided to stay friends which i have no clue how to do. I tried so hard to not cry or just collapse in front of him but i'm pretty sure my stupid eyes couldn't hide my tears. We played a card game after which odd enough i found really comforting.
After a while i just couldn't take it anymore and in a way kicked him out. My mind couldn't stop buzzing with thoughts. What are we going to be and where are we going to go? Am i going to find anyone else like him? Is it even possible to find another person as perfectly imperfect as he is? As soon as i sat in my car all i could do was cry. Every time i thought of his name or said his name it felt like my heart was jumping up in my throat in pain trying to release its self from my body.
For the past week i have been depressed and my mind still will not shut up. I want to be cruel and i want to be greedy. I want to have him back here with me but i know if i asked that of him it would make me feel ten times worse because of the possible consequences. I just want him to be happy even if i have to sacrifice my heart.
Silly thought every single country song now makes sense. All they sing about is heart break and now i have it. Maybe one day it will be better but i'm not counting on it any time soon. I just hope he is happy and keeps making the world a better place with his amazing contagious smile.
We had to end things for reasons beyond typical relationship issues. It devastated me and left me feeling oddly enough filled. When i last had a conversation like the one we had with some one i just felt empty and emotionless. I feel cruel for being that way but it is who i am.
We decided to stay friends which i have no clue how to do. I tried so hard to not cry or just collapse in front of him but i'm pretty sure my stupid eyes couldn't hide my tears. We played a card game after which odd enough i found really comforting.
After a while i just couldn't take it anymore and in a way kicked him out. My mind couldn't stop buzzing with thoughts. What are we going to be and where are we going to go? Am i going to find anyone else like him? Is it even possible to find another person as perfectly imperfect as he is? As soon as i sat in my car all i could do was cry. Every time i thought of his name or said his name it felt like my heart was jumping up in my throat in pain trying to release its self from my body.
For the past week i have been depressed and my mind still will not shut up. I want to be cruel and i want to be greedy. I want to have him back here with me but i know if i asked that of him it would make me feel ten times worse because of the possible consequences. I just want him to be happy even if i have to sacrifice my heart.
Silly thought every single country song now makes sense. All they sing about is heart break and now i have it. Maybe one day it will be better but i'm not counting on it any time soon. I just hope he is happy and keeps making the world a better place with his amazing contagious smile.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Thoughts on Valentines
As of this moment i am in utter confusion. Here is my Valentines story. I rang it in in quite a festive way. Me and some of my roommates decided to make it party Monday. We drank our faces off i n other words. It was amazing, crazy and disgusting all at the same time. My anxiety about a card i made for someone i'm seeing was completely gone. The next morning i still felt and tasted like i was drunk. I didn't wake up for a while. After i did i was actually highly rested. YAY for passing out.
When he finally arrived he gave me a super cool gift card which is going to prove very useful in the long run. I felt so cheesy and weird giving him mine. The skittles he loved the card i think it freaked him out. I know it freaked me out. We took a walk, came back and began to just rest. After a while we decided to play Uno and Phase 10. It was amazing me, him and Kaitlin just chumming it up.
I had also planned a dinner which honestly was about the most amazing dish i have made. The fun part about was him helping me. It was so weird and he was so helpful. It astonished me how smooth it went. The sauce though proved too spicy. The rest was great though i did forget to grab the garnish of the pomegranate seeds.
The whole day was just spectacular even though we did nothing spectacular. I think the thing that did make it spectacular was him. I'm aware this is very uncharacteristic of my man hating ways. He is just something different and special. He takes into account my whole being not just my body. Most of all he makes me smile without even having to try. I'm going to stop there before i become too girly.
When he finally arrived he gave me a super cool gift card which is going to prove very useful in the long run. I felt so cheesy and weird giving him mine. The skittles he loved the card i think it freaked him out. I know it freaked me out. We took a walk, came back and began to just rest. After a while we decided to play Uno and Phase 10. It was amazing me, him and Kaitlin just chumming it up.
I had also planned a dinner which honestly was about the most amazing dish i have made. The fun part about was him helping me. It was so weird and he was so helpful. It astonished me how smooth it went. The sauce though proved too spicy. The rest was great though i did forget to grab the garnish of the pomegranate seeds.
The whole day was just spectacular even though we did nothing spectacular. I think the thing that did make it spectacular was him. I'm aware this is very uncharacteristic of my man hating ways. He is just something different and special. He takes into account my whole being not just my body. Most of all he makes me smile without even having to try. I'm going to stop there before i become too girly.
Monday, February 13, 2012
More Valentines Love Spells
Here are a few more love spells for your Valentines Eve. Have fun with them.
Ingredients
Yarrow
Pillow
When: Before bed
Directions: Place the yarrow under your pillow at night. The first person you see you will marry. Better make sure a hot man is coming by your door.
Ingredients
Cemetery with a church
When: St.Valentines eve
Procedure: Visit the cemetery on Valentines Eve circle the church twelve times. When you finally go to bed you will dream of you future man.
Ingredients
Your crushes window
Wind
When: Full moon
Procedure: Go under your crushes window and whisper their names three times into the wind. either they will fall in love with you or catch you and you will gain a new restraining order.
Ingredients
Seven stars
When: Seven consecutive days
Procedure: Count seven stars for seven nights. The eighth day the person you shake hands with you will marry. So make sure are not meeting with anyone for an interview first thing in the morning.
THE BIG DAY
Men this post specifically goes out to you. I watched a movie called I hate Valentines Day today. It was hilarious but had a message which every guy should learn. A woman does not care about what your gesture of love is it is the fact that you make it. You take the time to be vulnerable for a moment and it shows that she is equally allowed to be vulnerable. To take a chance on you and let her heart go. The simplest thing you can do is say what you feel or pick a dandelion for her. Something that shows her you are thinking about her. The simple things are the best things in life.
Last day until doomsday
Here it is, Valentines Day. The day is making me cringe in a good way. I don't quite understand it though. For the last week or so I have been looking forward to it. This is not me usually I loathe the day and dread it. This year I want it to come and I feel like maybe this will be a day of change for the better. I feel like a robot that has been given a code that does not compute. I have made a card and a present for someone I have been seeing. It is completely cheesy and weird. I wish things like feelings were easy to understand and accept. Sorry this post is just my random thoughts but i had to get them out there.
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