So tonight was supposed to go spectacular. Date night followed by a kiss and who knows what else. Well the plan fell through. My date was a no show. No texts no show no nothing. I had built myself up for over a week planning and plotting what to do, say, act and be. My week revolved around this one event.
After the date fell through harshly I didn't know what to do. I was depressed, angry and just plain fed up. I wanted to just go to bed and sleep through the turning of the year. I even contemplated buying some alcohol to wash it all down. That's when I decided I was being ridiculous. Just because I wasn't going to have a date didn't mean i had to sit alone and lie in my self loathing. I decided to attend the masquerade ball my coworker invited me to.
I was still miserable. I'm pretty sure the people could feel it resonating off of me even though i was wearing a mask to hide it. Nobody was asking me to dance i didn't know anybody either. Life seemed shittier than ever. I almost left to go back to my one man pity party but decided since i paid for it i was staying.
The night seemed to drag on and midnight passed with a dull note. Then I decided to dance with this one guy. It was one of my favorite slow songs, "Angels Lead You In" by Jimmy Eat World. I kept apologizing for my missteps and saying I was a terrible dancer. When he told me your only as terrible as the amount of fun you are having. That's when it clicked. Yes i had no one there but i had myself and the music. From that point on the dance was one of the best times i have had in a long time.I danced to the music the way i wanted not worrying about how i looked or who was looking. I was free.
I had two other epiphanies. The first occurred when talking about resolutions with a dancing partner. He told me his and I thinking of things I want to do in life blurted out to travel to a different country. I began to think about it in depth and discovered that i have the world. It is waiting for me to grab it and discover it for its' entirety. The world can't wait for me to finish my plans life is going to happen whether or not i'm present and accounted for. It's time for me to join it.
My last and greatest epiphany of the night came with of course the last song. It goes along with one of my earlier ideas in my blog. We are all just living in moments. I extend this theory to others. You are not just living in your moments you are living in others' moments also. You can feel them and engulf them into your being. I was a little sad because it was the last dance and as usual no one had asked me to dance. I wasn't too sad just ho hum. This couple by me were dancing so elegant, brisk and smooth. You felt the emotion of the dance and essence portrayed in the song. As I glanced around the room I noticed that each couple was creating a moment and memory. A feeling of being close to someone and of gaining something that just isn't attainable in everyday life. They were gaining a sense of their being and the others in the tiny circle. A blimp for each couple bursting and building with each word uttered to one another. I can gain and feel a moment by observing . A learning tool i will never forget.
Here's to another day, another year and many more moments.
Happy New Year
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